Mom first

Everywhere I have been lately I have been hearing about the need for moms to start taking care of themselves. ... hmm maybe this is a message for me. I have spent so much time, like every mom taking care of eveyone else that I forget about me. I get up get my son good for the morning, feed the dog, feed the kids, change diapers, get a load of my endless laundry in and then if I am lucky grab a quick breakfast snack. The most important thing I do for myself is my morning coffee... so much so that I named my dog after one... Java. How bad is that.
Having a child who has some special dietary issues one would think would have kicked me in the butt to change my habits. Instead I got lost in the desire to improve the health of my family and everyone around me... for goodness sakes my dog even eats organic food. Our drive as moms to make our children’s lives the best it can be sometimes leads us down a path of self destruction.... okay lets be honest it doesn’t sometimes, it does! I know most moms that I have surrounded myself with all deal with exhaustion, the feeling like they never have 5 minutes to just zone out and focus on them, like they have lost themselves in the lives they love. Why is this, does it come from our moms and grandma’s generation where there was no taking care of them, you left you at the door the day you became someone’s wife. Well I think we need to change this way of thinking... I am not talking about the feminist movement or becoming self absorbed moms who don’t think of anyone but numo uno. But hey there must be a balance!
I wake up every morning and look at my son and think my putting him first has brought him so far, and my family is so much healthier for it, but I am suffering from complete exhaustion, mind, body, and spirit. I find that I am being drawn to those who are also moms, running businesses; trying to honour their children in the small and big things they do everyday. Why is it that our grandmas and moms could do it.... well really did they? Or was there a lot of unspoken resentment, and hurt. I don’t want that for my children, I want to teach by example. Why can’t I sit down and eat the veggies and fruit I cut for the kids for a snack, why do I feel the need to be busy cleaning, organizing and getting supper on while they eat their nutritional yummy’s because it is 5 minutes that they are occupied. Wouldn’t it be better to take those 5 minutes to eat with them and talk about things you talk about with a 3 and 1 year old. Or how about take the time to be silly and make pictures on the table with the vegetables. Well that is just one small area of it.
I talk to so many parents that the feeelings are the same and not just with women. Dads are feeling so much the same way, just pulled in different directions. Okay I will stick with the mom; that is what I know! I could go on for hours about the way I put everyone else first but you know, most of you are probably already moms and feeling the exact same way as I do. I want to find the me again, and still keep my first priority my family. Mom first, me second... right. Well, I think I need to reshift me and balance my identity, me and mom being the same. I need to transition into being a child honouring mom, whose main focus is to bring my families health, mine included to the optimum of what it can be, and in that also include myself. I think I identify my family as the three of them and I on the outside trying sustain and promote their health... why haven’t I included me....
I am going to start to transition; right now I am a caterpillar needing to feed myself... mind, body, and spirit. The next step will be to build my cocoon, through getting myself to optimum health, change my eating habits, sleeping habits, shift my thought process, and help heal my body and mind. Next step will be metamorphosis.... and in my mind that will be through learning meditation, readings, maybe a weekend away by myself to regroup and feel rested.... shift my routine, and nurture my spirit. Hopefully when I wake up I will be colourful and be able to fly.
Dave and I recently took a weekend away to Vancouver Island, first trip away, alone, since we had kids. In my mind I thought this would be all I and we would need to reconnect and feel like we were functioning individuals and a unit. Well I was wrong, I came back refreshed and then after a few days of normal life with children who had spent 4 days with their grandparents (heaven knows we all know what that is like) I wanted to go away again. This is what made me think that maybe it is more than a holiday that I need to get my head together or feel like I have been nurtured, maybe I need to change my thinking and the way I function.
I remember being in the butterfly gardens in Victoria thinking wow I need to be a butterfly. I spent 20 minutes standing and watching a butterfly struggle to come out of it cocoon. Something really captivated me. Butterflies are something which keeps popping up in conversations before we went away and again after.... hmmm. You know moms go from being an individual who has no one to think of but themselves to being a person who has these little beings who completely rely on you and are a product of functional you are. All you can be is the best you you can be, but have you truly reached that prime. I know finding the time in a day to read, or meditate, or be me is almost none existent.... I think I resent everyone for robbing me of that, well maybe it is me needing to reprioritize my time and make me time. Maybe I need to get up a half our earlier and go meditate and feed me, then take care of my children. Maybe I need to take the time at night when the kids go to bed to open a book and read, or go do a stain glass piece and find happiness and myself in the moments that I have! Maybe I need to sit down with my husband a put together a plan for the year for time he can get away to reconnect with him and time for me to reconnect with me... and a week for us to fall in love with each other again.
Every day is a gift and another day that you can’t get back. Don’t leave until tomorrow what you can do today.... maybe we need to just make the time for these small things for ourselves.... the laundry will still be there! Heaven knows it unfortunately isn’t going to just jump in the machine and wash itself... but hey if I can figure out a way to make that happen I will patent it and share with all of you... ha ha.

The healthier you are the better the parent you will be....I say you as in meaning me! Baby steps... I think I am going to register in a meditation class; I am going to start taking moments for me. I am going to start taking my stain glass equipment out and set it up. I am the only one standing in my way from feeling like I am taking care of me. My addiction is taking care of everyone else... it is easier than dealing with the inner child in me. How much do you love you???
Also, tell yourself every day 3 things you love about you and your life.... you, not your family, your kids, or you hubby... in doing this you will help them and their love and respect for you! Remember put your air masks on first and your kids second, your children and partners need you to be the best you you can be! And to be healthy and alive!!!
I am going to stand in front of a mirror and try telling myself that I truly love me... I will let you know when I am successful, that will be the day I see a butterfly in the reflection.


Next weeks topic will be about siblings who don’t have allergies... what do they feel and go through.
Please email me if you want to hear my 2 cents about things.... anything.